Church Bulletin Errors

The following statements actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (errors and all):



1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include a meal.



2. Morning Sermon: “Jesus Walks on Water”; Evening Sermon: “Searching for Jesus.”



3. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.



4. The peacekeepers meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.



5. Remember in prayer those who are sick of our congregation.



6. Smile at someone who is hard to love—say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.



7. Don’t let worry kill you—the church can help.



8. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.



9. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.



10. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir—they need all the help they can get.



11. The minister will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy.”



12. Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.



13. At the evening service, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the choir.



14. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.



15. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to help cripple children.



16. Place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.



17. The church will host an evening of fine dining, great entertainment and gracious hostility.



18. Potluck Supper this Sunday at 5:00PM—prayer and medication to follow.



19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.



20. The minister would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Saturday.



21. The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.



22. The 8th-graders will present Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.



23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.



24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped my pledge—up yours.”